One thing that is bothering me, lately, is that every where I look there are these beautiful Jewish babies and I want to start a Jewish family. It's not that I am jealous nor envious. I just feel like I'm constantly reminded of what's missing in my life. I long to have a baby and nurse and mother and sing to my baby. I miss holding and caring for a brand new baby. I can't wait to have more babies. I forgot how strong that urge was for me before, but it's back in full force...and yet my life is on hold (and feels indefinite). It doesn't feel totally unbearable. I just wish I could move forward more quickly and be myself and be human again and be really Jewish and find/be with my soul-mate and live life to the fullest. And this is what I pray for the most: I pray that my Jewish life will begin soon.