Dialogue

There are times when I think that I want to tell you something because I have certain concerns. But then I think about it...and that concern seems maybe a little misplaced...and that perhaps I ought to think better of you and trust the good in you. So then I opt not to say anything and just endure my discomfort and hope for the best. The only thing wrong with that strategy is that the issue then eventually comes to the forefront and I get really upset at you and also at myself (for being naive).

So here's the thing. I started to say something to you a little while back when we were at the Coffee Bean by your work. But, I decided not to seemingly cause friction. I thought that really you wouldn't be insensitive and do the insensible thing...and generally you are a nice person. And so, of course, in the end I feel regret and hugely disappointed.

I feel like I've told you a few times, already--although for sure I never tried to over-emphasize,--that it bothers me that people have gone through and collected and rummaged through and sorted through our stuff and thrown things away and discarded things they have no idea what. I feel violated. A woman's home and things are part of her identity. I would never dream of going to your work with my friends and start organizing and throwing away things and replacing things there. It's your domain and what you DO there is part of your identity. I never had the luxury of having a space of my own until November; certainly not even a "work" space. Everything about me is in the house and stuff, therein--my hobbies, my likes, my dislikes, my imprint on my family, my work, my ideas and passions, my everyday things, my special things, my tools, my old, my new, my personal, my shared things, etc. It's altogether. To sort through and organize is a huge task and cannot possibly be done right unless the main person is there--namely, ME.

But who am I to complain, though? People are just trying to help and tidy and organize things their way--but with MY STUFF (MY things, MY kids' stuff, MY family and household things, etc). It's not helpful if they have no authority or guidance in what their doing! They don't know the value and intent of things. And they organize things in the most bizarre ways. It drives me nuts!

And just to add insult to injury, I feel, people go out and buy unnecessary things to replace what's been discarded, redistributed, or reorganized. For example, my kids do not need 6 different kinds of jackets each, and new clothes that are too big, or perfectly good toys left outside to get ruined--and especially when those things are already available in the house, organized and in some designated area. It's ridiculous!

When they do things like this, it is as if they are bringing themselves into my identity. They haven't a clue what stuff is nor it's value nor it's intention nor purpose or function in my life and my family. They can suggest, but they have no authority over my life and family and things.

So, of course, I am totally disturbed to the max when I see all this stuff out in the yard and in the trash and in disarray. I know that you've spent a lot of time and energy and forethought in all the work you did this weekend. I don't want to completely disregard your effort. And I am sure you meant well, to some degree. But I most offended by your lack of communication. I wasn't even told nor prepared about this major thing you did or were planning. And I wasn't even invited to participate.

Stunts like this make me angry and want to fight for every little detail. I want to delineate and demand my portion. I begin to lose patience.

I am trying to see how we can do better.