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My seven year old son was getting quite prolific at throwing fits and tantrums--at least 10 a day, it seems. Not only is it annoying, he's the oldest and I knew the girls were watching & learning. Something had to be done.
I tried talking reasonably to him, disciplining with timeouts, bannishing him to his room, name-calling ("you're being a baby!") and just plain losing my temper with him at times. We just couldn't move forward past this 'jumping' from one fit to another. It is very unbecoming and emotionally unhealthy for both of us, not to mention the strain on our relationship with each other. I want to be firm and show love, careful not to beat him down with negativity and harsh criticism. I wanted to stay sane and rational! He needed to stop for everyone's sake.
So I got this idea from a friend, Beth--mother of 3 boys and a girl. She said, "talk to him and tell him that he's only allowed to have one BIG fit a day...so if he feels upset and he really feels like throwing a fit, then it's okay to yell & cry & stomp, but he's gotta make it a good one...And then that's it for the day...otherwise the second tantrum earns him a day spent in his bedroom."
Okay, I'm up for trying anything at this point.
Sure enough, already, I gave the tantrum/fits lecture to Noah almost first thing yesterday morning. He was already working up his line of fits. So I told him calmly the new guidelines for fits. After the lecture, he was smiling and thought 'this' was a great idea. He loved it. It's funny to see kids' faces light up when they think their getting a good deal!
Of course, it's his first day, so he had to be reminded. It took him a few separate occasions on which to ponder the inevitable question, "Is this the BIG one--is this a worthy cause for pitching the greatest fit of all?" But, it was amazing how he was really thinking about it every time! And it only took him a few seconds each time to make up his mind that he was gonna save himself for a more worthwhile offense.
Then the crux of the lesson came when it was time for him to do the chore of unloading the dishwasher yesterday evening. He was decidedly unhappy and disgruntled and the day is almost over. So after some thought, he went for it. He was gonna have his BIG one. The time had come and he was ready to perform. And that was just it!?! He tried to stage the great 'tantrum' of his life: crying out loud, stomping, wailing, throwing himself down on the floor. LOL But, he couldn't even take himself seriously because he was performing and he knew it. The 'great fit' was totally diffused by his own realization that it just wasn't worth mustering up the right sort of serious "drama" he was saving himself for all day. He started laughing at himself and then got up and did the dishes!
Yahoo!
Of course today is a new day. I hope the lesson sticks. |
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