the conversion coin

Conversion is hard in ways that are difficult to explain. Of course I knew they would be. I am denouncing my old life with Christianity for something new. I am seeking G-d in a way most people I use to know don't really understand. I am pursuing G-d through yiddishkeit, his people. I am learning to study G-d's word. I am learning to find G-d in Jewish observances. My life has more meaning and His presence is felt more abundantly. I am learning to depend on G-d--to seek His direction and approval, His love and charity, and to accept His discipline and omnipotence and His forgiveness and mercy. Judaism offers a deeper, enriched relationship with G-d in more tangible ways--through observances, through daily prayers and blessings, through reflections of G-d in His people, and in studying His word, the Bible.

But this event in my life is tumultuous, at times. There are good times and there are bad times; just like there are two sides of every coin. Judaism is so new and culturally so different. When I am feeling lost in the novelty of it, I try to focus on the beauty of Hashem and on my relationship with Him. I wish I could share that with someone. I am making friends, of course. But they are strangers still. I want someone familiar to talk with--someone who knows me better, who has already invested time into our friendship. When everything seems new with Judaism, I wish I had a friend to share it with and to answer my questions. It is hard to just keep things to myself. I want someone specifically to share their Jewishness with me.