by Heather Stuart Warren on Wednesday, August 11, 2010 at 10:02pm
A lot of Christians email and message me because they are so curious about my turn to Judaism. Thanks for reaching out. I, in turn, am just as eager to share my spiritual journey. I feel like I have learned and grown immeasurably.
In the beginning, it was difficult to know how to start or what to say, exactly. That is because Judaism has profoundly changed my life. And, like Neo in The Matrix, a person really has to be willing to choose between the red pill and the blue. A person has to be ready to make that paradigm shift (from what was taught to what can be revealed). Not only that, but there were some growing pains along the way. For that reason alone, I hesitated in telling my Christian friends about Judaism. If Christianity makes you a good person and your life is fitting together with such ease, then why would I want to interject an idea that could reform all that? Why would I want to confuse another person's life with ideas that transform a new reality from an old. And how could I ever be so pretentious to think you would be willing to recieve Judaism?
Judaism didn't just take me by surprise or hit me like a ton of bricks. Rather, it was like I had always been serious about the Bible and my relationship with G-d and loving people from all walks of life... Only, something just felt a little off. I wanted to study and know the Bible inside out and wanted to know with certainty what I was really willing to believe and why. I didn't want just faith; I wanted an intellectual knowledge based on a sophisticated understanding of the word of G-d. I believed and loved the bible so much! I wanted the bible to reveal it's truth to me. I already believed in the inerrancy and authority of the Hebrew bible, but I struggled with the Christian bible. For me, that meant turning to G-d's chosen people who have preserved the holy scriptures. Coming from a Fundamentalist-Evangelical Christian background, this also meant that I had to suspend certain beliefs in search for the G-d honest truth for myself. When I started to trust my instincts and go where my conscience, imagination and mind was leading me, I felt like everything just fit together. It felt like an "ah-ha" moment and it felt like all my puzzle pieces were starting to fit together with new pieces my bible-learning brought in and a picture emerged that seemed clear and relate-able. Finally, something I could identify and embrace. Judaism gave me unadulterated biblical knowledge.
It wasn't just an odyssey of the mind. There was an emotional aspect, as well. I knew/know without a doubt that I try to be a good person, although I am not perfect, that's for sure. I feel like everyone I see or run across--new and old friends, stangers, or family--probably deserved the same prejudice. So, the only thing I was willing to accept is that every person has a reason and purpose for being here no matter what ethnicity, religion, background, religious or irreligious, whatever. Everyone has their journey to connecting with the Creator. A part of me just wanted to believe in a G-d that loved people no matter what their level of faith or connection to Him--a G-d that allowed room lovingly enough for free will. In my mind, free will and Divine love doesn't intersect easily with Christianity's "Predestination." Judaism revealed to me a simplier, digestable alternative without the metaphysical and aesthetical problems. I found that I could (without guilt or prejudices) love people--anyone--even though they weren't of the same religion as me. Even though I felt I knew where I was going after life (at it wasn't the hell Christian describes), I didn't have to worry about others. I could just freely love and be myself. Wow! I didn't have to worry about heaven or hell and feel compelled to save people with the gospel. The emotional bond was broken. If I could have that peace and love without believing in the basic tenets Christianity, then I felt it was easy to leave that dogma behind. Judaism gave me perfect peace and a freedom to love unprejudiceously.
And if that weren't enough. My imagination found it's home in Kabbalistic teachings. My fondest memory of studying Philosophy was learning ideas in metaphysics concerning space and time, relativity, and possibility. I always had so many questions about the juxtaposition of the spiritual and physical realm. For sure, I believe in my soul that I've never seen just as easily as I believe in a G-d I cannot see. But what about the mystical side of life in general? What about miracles that seems to defy physical laws,...and what about a universal that is so vast and immensely infinite and yet we live in a world so balanced and finite,...and what about our soulful purpose in all of it? Spirituality was not simply figments of my imagination. Spirituality wasn't a warm, fuzzy feeling. Spirituality wasn't just doing something good because it was the nice thing to do. Spirituality wasn't just about pleasing G-d. Rather, spirituality and my active participant in the world affects the universe! Judaism gave me a firm grasp of Spirituality and tapped me into a dynamic moral ethics I had never before seen.
So questions about Jesus and salvation and the Christian bible no longer perplex me. They just seem unnecessary. I made the decision for Judaism almost extemporaneously because it felt natural and fulfilling of my wildest dreams. I feel like I really haven't said anything specific about my religious convictions. But, I've attempted to give a broad picture of my journey. I am so thankful to all of you who have remained a steadfast friend. And while I would not want to compell anyone to convert to Judaism, I am open and willing to answer any questions you may have for me. No question should be too difficult to share between friends. I know it is a shock for some friends. And for others, they are bewildered. But as an extention of my friendship with you, I am an open book.
All my love and respect,
Heather
*If you want, you can leave your question(s) as a comment below.
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